Why I'm excited to vote, and other thoughts on the election.

I'm back to writing on this blog! Now that I don't have papers coming at me from every which direction I have to blog again! Anyway, on to blogging.

During an election, politicians are going to say things that annoy you. It's just inevitable. It's the nature of the beast. One thing has annoyed me more than anything else this time around, when people say this is an unnecessary election and talk about how many we've had recently.

Now, being that I think that democracy is a good way to run a country, and while our system is far from perfect, it is a good system, I believe that elections are good things. I support them. Democracy is not wasteful.

Harper has done a lot of complaining about how many elections we've had recently, yet he fails to acknowledge that he's called most of them. Also, we need to keep in mind this is a minority government. Not counting the 14th government (which shifted between a majority and minority government) Stephen Harper has run the two longest lasting minority governments in Canadian history. If you have a problem with how many elections we have been having, your problem ought to be with our parliamentary system, and not with the people calling the elections, because this is as good as it's ever been for minorities. That's my two cents anyway.

I'm excited to vote. I've been wanting to vote ever since the last election. The reason being that I have only ever voted conservative, and after the last election I realized something very important. I'm not conservative. Also, I really don't like Harper. If this is the case one may ask "why did you vote conservative?", well, hypothetical question asker, that is what I'm asking myself. I didn't really think before I voted. I just assumed I should vote conservative. I think it's because I assumed that it's the christian thing to do. Which is odd, because my dad was never one to simply vote conservative regardless of the situation, he always voted for who he felt was best at the time. I think it was just a general feeling I gathered from immersing myself into evangelical culture. When I shortly realized that I hadn't actually put any thought into who I wanted to vote for, I became excited for another election to come along.

This isn't a blog where I'm going to tell you the line of thought that led me to decide who I was going to vote for and try to encourage you to do the same, but I would certainly encourage you to put to use your critical thinking skills before you go to the polls. Whatever it may be, put some thought into it.

This brings me to my second point, that I don't care if you don't vote. We live in a culture that tries to guilt people into voting. It's true, I see it all the time, people who don't know or care about politics are told to "at least vote" and people who don't vote are told they're not allowed to complain about the government. I never understood that logic, shouldn't they have more right to complain? After all, it wasn't them that made the wrong choice.

Guilting someone into voting is roughly the same as guilting someone into going to church. Who cares if they're there? Shouldn't they be putting some thought into why they're doing what they're doing? I'd like to see more people think about who to vote for. If you honestly put a lot of thought into it and decided that your vote is best left unused, go ahead and do that. Maybe it's because you don't like any of the leaders, maybe it's because you don't like our political system, whatever, if you've put your thought into it and decided that's what's best then do that. I didn't vote provincially or municipally, and that was because I frankly didn't have a clue what the issues were, or who the candidates were, so I didn't want a mindless vote going into it. Now, by my own admission, I should have researched it. Next time I'll try. But I honestly feel that not voting is better than voting because you've been guilted into it. Personally, I'd rather not have people who don't care, and don't think about their vote deciding who's going to run this country.

The other thing is that in my riding, The conservatives got 55% of the vote, whereas the NDP, in second place, got 15%. That's an enormous gap. This riding will always be right wing. It doesn't matter. It's very frustrating to know that essentially, my vote can't make a difference. Now I know the logic that "if everyone who thought their vote couldn't make a difference got together to vote, they could!" but let's be honest, even among those who don't vote, this is a right wing riding. It always has been. So I'm not even sure I can pin down why I want to vote. Maybe because even though I know it will have no effect on who goes to parliament to run our country, I hope on some level, my voice can be heard. Maybe if we can swing the popular vote in one direction which seems different from the overall results, people will realize we need to fix our electoral process. It's a long shot... it's basically a pipe dream. I don't know. Maybe I'm just giving into the pressure around me to vote, no matter how futile that vote is. Maybe I'm overanalyzing this, maybe I'm underanalyzing it. Either way, I'm trying. I'm trying to figure out how to best use my vote, and I encourage you to do the same. Whether that's voting the same way you always do, changing it up, or refusing to vote entirely, just put some thought into it. Because in the end, I'd like to at least believe what you do with it is important.

My musical evolution

Last week in class I got a chance to do a presentation on a band I listened to when I was in high school. This got me thinking about the music I listened to then, as compared to the music I listened to now. I began to think about how much my musical taste has changed, and why. So to start this off, I'm going to post a timeline, featuring samples of songs I listened to at different ages (the ages are approximate). Feel free to laugh at me, I know I do.

I guarantee you that if you listen to all of these songs in their entirety, you will punch your computer at least once. It's simply impossible for one person to enjoy every song on this list.

Age 12 So embarrassing I can't even say it.
Age 13 I know, I know.

I was a preteen, what else do you want me to say about those two?

Age 14 I had to listen to something "cool"

I never really liked rap that much, but in middle school I listened to it a bit. I specifically remember the moment I found out it wasn't cool to like Prozzak when I said that was my favourite band in class and got laughed at. After that I was sure to listen to something more cool, and I think that was all this phase meant to me.

Age 15 The intro to youth group music
Age 16 The continuation of youth group music

My "TFK" and "P.O.D" phase was the first time I really got into music. They were the first bands I really listened to a lot of, and really identified myself with them. They were bands that both sounded like what I considered cool and spoke to me where I was at. I sincerely enjoyed their music during my high school years, but it had much more to do with identity than that. I looked up to the guys in the bands, and wanted to be like them. Right now, I can pretty much only listen to this stuff for nostalgic purposes.

Age 17 The "Christian Metal" Phase
Age 18 And throw in some Hardcore

This is an interesting time to think about. I got into all sorts of hard Christian music. It started with Demon Hunter, then moved into UnderOath, Project 86, Living Sacrifice, Blindside, Emery, and so on. I wanted loud music with righteous lyrics. I think it allowed me to move in to a new space in my identity. One where I didn't have to be your stereotypical Christian who showed up to church with a tie, and listened to Chris Tomlin all day. I was different from a lot of Christians. I was listening to music that a lot of people felt there wasn't room for in the church. But I was also different from other people who listened to that kind of music, because I wasn't into the "drugs, sex and rock and roll" scene. I was being a good Christian in my eyes, but I was also saying that I didn't have to conform. For a lot of people the Christian music scene was about the church reaching out to the music community, for me it was about the music reaching in to the church. Being Christians, and yet being unique. Seeing light where a good portion of the church saw darkness.

Then again maybe I just wanted to headbang.

I still listen to a little bit of this stuff occasionally and I still see value in it.

Age 19 Hey what? It's more mellow

Relient K, a band which I had long hated, suddenly and without warning, won me over. In a time when I was listening to nothing but hard music, a pop-rock band like Relient K came out of nowhere and won me over. I found the music fun, catchy, entertaining, and engaging. Yet I didn't identify with it at all. It wasn't part of who I was, it was just something I liked to listen to. I think this marked a major shift in how and why I listened to music.

Age 20 It's not even Christian Rock!
Age 21 A little Coldplay
Age 22 A little indie
Age 23 As of like, a week ago

The Past few years I've gone very far away from what I listened to in high school. It's not necessarily as hard, it's not necessarily Christian. It's just music that I enjoy listening to. I find I enjoy music that does something a little different from the norm. I like bands that bring in instruments other than the basic guitar-bass-drums combo. I like lyrics that make you think, but don't exactly slap you in the face with their message. These are the things I look for in music. It's no longer based on whether or not they satisfy the loudness quota, whether or not their lyrics agree with my faith, or if I can work them into my identity.

I think a lot of people, especially teenagers are looking for a way to identify themselves. A way to distinguish themselves from the norm, while still joining a group of like minded peers. Music serves that purpose for a lot of them. It did for me. I'm glad it did, I'm glad I had my music to help me figure out who I was. It made me feel free to explore my identity, faith, and ideology on my own terms, a task which I still continue today. I needed music back then to help me do that, but I think I've grown past the point of needing music for that. I still find myself engaging with music in different ways. It still has the power to grab me emotionally or intellectually. It still has the power to bring me back to my most important memories, give me hope for the future, or make me think about things in ways I haven't before. In a very real way music still plays a large role in my life, it's just an altered role.

It's interesting, how thinking about my musical evolution brought me from laughing at my own musical tastes, to making me realise how big of an impact music truly had, and continues to have, on my life.

On that note, anyone know any good bands?

Why I don't teach Sunday school.

I've never been good at knowing things, however I'd like to think I've been improving my skills quite a bit in the area of knowing what I don't know. Maybe that's why I've always enjoyed English and philosophy more than math and science. You don't really have to know anything to be good at English and philosophy.  You have to be able to think about things, and form opinions on things, but knowing them is an entirely different matter. Even when I was a kid I was a philosophical thinker, I remember trying to wrap my head around the idea of non existence as a child. I remember, as a kid, trying to understand what it would be like to not exist. It baffled my mind. Still does, actually, I have made no progress in that line of thought.

A few years ago, I thought I was going to be a children's pastor, teaching Sunday school and everything. I'm very happy I didn't go in that direction. To be a Sunday school teacher you have to teach things that I'm not so sure I know any more. One of these things was something that I even struggled with when I was in Sunday school myself. The whole "There's a God shaped hole in everyone's heart and nobody can be truly fulfilled without him" thing. Now, any one who knows me well knows that my life was headed down hill and took a complete turn for the better since I started believing in God again. The idea of being fulfilled by God is not one I take issue with, rather it was the way it was portrayed to me as a child. When I was a teenager, leading a VBS group, I heard it recited to me by kids the same way I had been taught it. People who don't have God in their lives have a big unfilled hole in their heart and are sad because of it, people who have God are filled with God's love and joy. This seems problematic to me because I know many non Christians who seem happy, and many Christians who are completely empty inside. This bothered me even as a kid, and was probably the first thing I ever questioned that I was taught at church. 

Something that bothers me now, in retrospect, that I was taught then, is a romanticised view of the bible. I remember being told things like "the bible is a love letter directly from God, to you." and that the bible was "basic instructions before leaving earth". Now, first of all these two views don't really match up, I mean, an instructional love letter? "baby I love you, here's how to love me back, Step 1: visit me everyday, Step 2: get me nice birthday presents, Step 3: cook me a nice meal" You get the idea. Now obviously these views of the bible are intentionally romanticised and  I believe the people who taught me that knew it was more complicated, the problem is maybe a kid doesn't know better. You see, the Bible wasn't written directly to me by God. The bible was written to a series of people, by a series of other people, between 4000 and 2000 years ago. The world is a different place. This is not to say the bible is irrelevant or anything of the sort, on the contrary I believe the bible is full of incredible amounts of God given wisdom which will live forever.  At some point though, we have to realize that the world has changed and laws pertaining to what to do if your Goat falls in your neighbours hole may not exactly hold weight with us any more. People say things like "read the bible as it is, don't try to impose your own interpretation on it" but if we're not interpreting it, and trying to make it relevant, and trying to understand the spirit of the law rather than the letter of the law, we are going to make the bible irrelevant.

I think I went on a longer tangent there than I expected and may have gotten off track, but I'm going to keep running with it.

I was on a Christian message board a few years ago when one member told another that he was going to go to hell because he didn't believe in the Trinity. Something about how he wasn't truly understanding the nature of God. Personally, I didn't know that was a prerequisite to get in to heaven. I mean, the nature of God? God is so much bigger than us, he's so much more than I could ever understand. There's a reason Jewish people weren't allowed to make physical representations of him, or use his name. It's because the second we start to turn God into something physical that we can name and understand, we're already missing him. I've heard one problem some people have is that when they read different books of the bible they have a hard time understanding them all to be a part of the same religion. I've had that same problem, and I think I'm starting to understand why. The books of the bible were written by different people, in different places and different times. Because these people are different from each other, they've had different kinds of encounters with God. For example, if I were to ask everyone you know about you, I'd probably get different answers. Some people would know one aspect of you, others would know another. Maybe your co-workers would know your strong work ethic, your friends would know your sense of humour, and your parents would know what breaks your heart. Well, don't take this the wrong way, but I think God has a much more deep and complex character than you. Different people are going to know him different ways.

At the beginning of this post I said I was getting better at knowing what I don't know. Well I know that I don't know a lot about God. I just don't. I have opinions, opinions I believe are right, but I'm more than willing to admit I could be wrong, and that other people could be right. Right now I'm becoming more and more okay with not truly knowing. That's not to say I won't be seeking truth, I will always seek it. I will always yearn for it. However the truth will never be available in whole to just one man. I am, after all, just a man. In the meantime, I'm glad I don't have to teach Sunday school, because I wouldn't be able to give out the "hole in your heart" "letter from God" answers any more. I believe that there are some fantastic Sunday school teachers out there who are doing wonderful things, I really do believe that. It's just not for me.